im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
