Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
