i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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