Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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