You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize