Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
