just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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