you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
