only you would photoshop your dick
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
