My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
