Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
