Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
