I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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