if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
