walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize