this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
