She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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