i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
