she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
