We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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