so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
