look no pants
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
