i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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