so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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