I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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