Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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