New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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