can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
