are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
