Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she told me i tasted like america
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
