In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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