she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize