The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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