on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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