I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
