no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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