what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
