So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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