I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
