the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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