so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
