I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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