There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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