Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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