I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
