haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
