You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize