just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
