If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
