when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
