my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ok first of all what the fuck
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
