I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
