i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize