you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
