Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
