i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
