would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
