Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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