Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
