If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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