i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
