Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
