**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
