I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize