tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
