Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
