I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
