just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
