I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
