weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
