i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
