More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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