yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
