I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize