Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
