Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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