Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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