Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
