Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
