he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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