The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
