Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
