It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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